


Text Me A Tale - Strange Magic Texting AU Drabbles

by Selkie_de_Suzie



Category: Strange Magic (2015)
Genre: Fluff, Human AU, Humor, Mild Sexting..., Potionless - Freeform, Romance, Shitty Texting, Wacky Shenanigans, all of these characters are adorable nerds, butterfly bog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6789760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selkie_de_Suzie/pseuds/Selkie_de_Suzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of my Strange Magic Shitty Texting drabbles that I always meant to post to here. Human AU and just for laughs!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always meant to post these here, so…might as well do it now! 
> 
> Since this *is* a Human AU, one of my followers asked me if it was like an aftermath of the Human AU/Karaoke Bar AU that I still plan on doing. To which I must say…SURE, WHY NOT? =D
> 
> Gosh, but this is such a fun way to blow off steam/procrastinate on other stories. I highly suggest you try it yourselves =)

Marianne: U know what our dumbass boyfriends just did? Got thrown out of walmart.

Dawn: OMG WHAT HAPPENED

Marianne: what started as a drunken beer run ended up being a drunken game of tag. Long story short, bog knocked over a shelf. 

Marianne: and then drunkenly tried to clean it up 

Marianne: and proceeded to knock over three more shelves 

Dawn: oh god

Marianne: Sunny was stuck in a shopping cart btw

Dawn: OH GOD

Marianne: these are the men we’ve chosen to love 

* * *

Dawn: istg bog was so happy when she gave him that album it sounded like he was having an orgasm

Sunny: DAWN WTF EW

Sunny: also how the hell would u even know what that sounds like???

Dawn: R u kidding me sunny

Dawn: I’ve stayed over at their place at least six times now

Dawn: the guest room is right by their room

Dawn: I fucking know what bog sounds like during an orgasm ok

Sunny: jesus christ dawn super tmi

Dawn:  U wanna talk tmi try knowing what your SISTER sounds like thats tmi

* * *

Marianne: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK FUCK FUCK

Bog: what??? 

Marianne: OH FUCK ME

Bog: gladly

Marianne: BOG I’M SERIOUS I FUCKED UP BIG THIS TIME

Bog: What happened?? U ok? 

Marianne:  DAWN IS SO ANGRY AT ME

Bog: tell me what the hell happened 

Marianne: ok so u know how we had that dinner planned tonight? The one with my dad? We were still trying to decide where we wanted to go since no one has the same fucking taste in this family

Marianne: And dad and i both suggested that new mediterranean place and dawn started whining since she hates hummus 

Bog: blasphemy 

Marianne: ikr? anyway dawn and i started going at it and dad made a comment about how we could try it anyway even “despite dawn’s aversion”

Bog: where r u going with this

Marianne: Bog

Marianne: I thought he said “Dawn’s a virgin.”

Marianne: and i started laughing.

Bog: oh fuck

Marianne: AND THEN WHEN I REALIZED WHAT HE HAD MEANT I TRIED TO SHUT UP AND DAWN WAS GLARING AT ME AND DAD WAS SO CONFUSED

Marianne: BUT THEN DAD FUCKING FIGURED OUT WHAT I HAD THOUGHT HE SAID

Bog: OH FUCK

Marianne: long story short dad now knows his baby girl is a soiled dove and i’m at the top of dawn’s shit list. 

Bog: jesus christ

Bog: and i thought Thang had hearing problems. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later chapters will be more coherent then this one was! Also, I happily admit I snitched the "Dawn's Aversion"/"Dawn's A Virgin" from Modern Family. It was just too perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

Bog: hey i need ur advice on something

Dawn: Boggy! yeah what’s up?

Bog: need to know if giving someone cooking classes as a present would be considered offensive 

Dawn: OMG NO. NO NO NO DO NOT DO IT. Bog i know that marianne’s isn’t the best cook and we still have that spatula fused to the frying pan, but please don’t. it’s super super tacky. it’s something roland would do! 

Bog: dawn it’s not for me, i swear

Dawn: then who???

Bog: Thang. he’s trying to think of things to get Stuff for her birthday.

Dawn: Oh! awwww that’s so sweet that he went to his boss for advice =) =) =) 

Bog: u call it sweet i call it annoying

Dawn: he values ur opinion! =D 

Dawn: ok ok. tell him that while the gesture is sweet, unless she asks for the lessons, it’s super tacky. Sorry that I freaked out on you, i know u would never do something that roland would do!

Bog: it’s fine, don’t worry about it. just keep this on the down low, ok? 

Dawn: of course! ttyl!

* * *

Bog: don’t do the cooking lessons. she got super offended when i asked, thought i was going to get them for marianne. she’d be pissed if u gave them to her.

Sunny: but she loves to bake! cooking is the next step!

Bog: looked i checked like u asked me to ok

Sunny: yeah ok. thanks for that, man. 

Sunny: honestly though i can see why she thought u wanted to give those to marianne. have u seen what the girl can do to a microwave if she’s not watched?

Bog: i’ve lived with her for 2 months now, believe me, i know. The smoke alarm is still broken. 

Sunny: thank god you can cook

Bog: on that note, i am so fucking sick of pasta.

Sunny: man ur telling me i never want to see another pb&j as long as i live. god, if only dawn would ask for cooking classes! 

* * *

Marianne: i am so fucking bored

Dawn: Me tooooooo. omg why did dad want us to come here?

Marianne: Official reason - we need to know about this new business merger if i take over the company. Real reason - he knows Bog has the bar closed today and doesn’t want me to be hanging out with him

Dawn: and having lots of rough and wild sweet loving on top of the bar ;)))

Marianne: DAWN. OMG I WISH I HAD NEVER TOLD U THAT

Dawn: i still can’t believe u did it on the bar that’s where drinks r served

Dawn: and that you wiped out the liquor shelf with your boot

Marianne: omg ENOUGH

Dawn: god this is taking forever

Marianne: yeah

Marianne: hey lets do something crazy

Dawn: like what???

Marianne: lets each just randomly sext the guys

Dawn: WHAT

Dawn: OMG WHY

Marianne: it’d be funny! they would be totally thrown!

Dawn: Ugh marianne you being bored is a dangerous thing. i’m not sexting sunny as a joke.

Marianne: boo ur a party pooper 

Dawn: besides it’s not like it’s gonna stay a joke with u and bog

Marianne: wtf does that mean???

Dawn: OMG MARIANNE DON’T EVEN

Dawn: “Oh la la la bog and i found one of dawn’s old romance novels lets take turns reading it out loud as a joke whoops we got so turned on by it we ended up losing our shirts!”

Marianne: oh god come on

Dawn: “hey bog let’s play strip poker as a joke oh ooops i’m not wearing bra anymore hey it’d be even funnier if we made out right now under the moonlight!”

Marianne: jesus dawn that was one time!

Dawn: “Oh bog hey lets go to this halloween party dressed up in a couple’s costume as a joke!”

Marianne: we went as freddy kruger and nancy thompson how the fuck is that a couple?!? better than the bee and flower costume u and sunny did

Dawn: “Laa la la la, let’s steal dawn’s dvd of the notebook to make fun of it oh dear now we’re making out on ur sofa and we scratched dawn’s dvd too ooops!”

Marianne: i said i was sorry for that how many times???

Dawn: just saying u two try to play off all the couple-y stuff that u do as a joke and it’s not fooling ANYONE 

Marianne: oh whatever

Marianne: shit dad’s watching us now look engaged

* * *

Sunny: do u think she’ll like it?

Marianne: sunny she is absolutely gonna love it. u did good =)

Sunny: u have no idea how stressed out i’ve been over this. i really hope she likes it.

Marianne: she totally will, my sister would love anything u got her

Marianne: especially if it has that much glitter

Sunny: oh god that glitter

Sunny: bog’s never gonna let me use his car again

Sunny: he takes one look at the backseat and goes “WTF DID U DO HERE, FUCK A PIXIE?!”

Marianne: That’s my man =)

Sunny: Yeah u can have him. I got to go deliver this to Dawn and hopefully get some legit loving in return

Marianne: Ew sunny I’m happy for u but still don’t need to hear that. but yes she will like it and u will be the best boyfriend *ever* in her eyes. Good luck!

Sunny: Thanks for all ur help, ur the best!

* * *

Bog: FUCK GLITTER

Marianne: Awwwww is someone still grouchy about that??? XD

Bog: THAT SHIT IS NEVER COMING OFF OF THE SEATS

Marianne: relax i’ll help you clean it off

Bog: thang’s already been vacuuming at it for an hour now. that stuff isn’t fucking going anywhere.

Marianne: ah well. so aside from the glitter, how was ur day? sorry i missed it.

Bog: fine. i’m sorry u missed it too. how was the wild and exciting world of business mergers?

Marianne: so fucking exciting. you can tell by my use of zero exclamation points and lack of caps. dawn and i texted each other the whole time.

Marianne: hey

Bog: what?

Marianne: …tell me what ur wearing. 

Bog:

Bog:

Bog: the fuck? 

Marianne: nvm

Bog: no tell me what u meant why do u

Bog: OH GOD WAIT R U TRYING TO 

Bog: HOLY SHIT U WERE OH GOD

Marianne: omg Bog nvm!!!

Bog: DO U NEED ME TO TELL YOU WHAT I’M DOING???

Bog: WHAT DO U WANT ME TO DO?

Bog: DO U WANT ME TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT?

Bog: MARIANNE I TOOK OFF MY SHIRT

Bog: MARIANNE?

Marianne: u r fucking hopeless. i’m coming over to the bar

Marianne: and before u ask, yes, keep ur shirt off


	3. Chapter 3

Marianne: I ask u, is there anything sexier than stubble? Like, for reals, the sexiest fucking thing in the world. 

Dawn: i would say that ur biased, but sunny has been rocking some now too since he got hit with that bug, so yes yes yes to all of this. 

Marianne: ranks up there with waking up on a rainy morning with nowhere to go and still curled up next to him

Dawn: and the sheets are still warm and u get to just sink into them 

Marianne: and listen to the rain and feel him breathe…

Dawn: oh god yes yes yes

Marianne: but back to the stubble. upside to having both of our boyfriends sick, neither of them shave

Dawn: boggy doesn’t shave anyway

Marianne: no he does, he just has perpetual 5 o clock shadow. I love it =) 

Marianne: of course the downside is that now he refuses to make out with me since he doesn’t want to get me sick.

Dawn: awwww mister thoughtful boyfriend :)

Marianne: yeah well i’m miss super fucking horny 

Dawn: MARIANNE OMG

Dawn: u know for someone who whines whenever i try to talk about sunny and i u sure r guilty of over sharing

Marianne: u wanna hear over sharing? wanna know where bog’s stubble feels absolutely AMAZING against? 

Dawn: I’M TURNING MY PHONE OFF

Marianne: starts with “my”, ends with “inner thigh” 

Dawn: I SO DON’T NEED TO HEAR THIS

Dawn: GOODBYE MY INNOCENCE

Dawn: u r totally cackling right now, aren’t u? 

Marianne: =)

Dawn: ugh ur the older one u r supposed to be mature

* * *

Marianne: i hope sunny is a better patient than bog is. i woke up to him trying to head into work completely whacked out on meds

Dawn: oooooh, that must have been fun

Marianne: he keeps muttering in gaelic and trying to leave the bed

Marianne: istg only threatening to call griselda makes him behave

Dawn: see, i don’t have to worry about that with sunny. he just kind of pathetically sneezes and needs me to snuggle him =) we’re watching netflix right now =)  

Marianne: whereas bog is glaring at me out from the little cave of blankets he has made

Marianne: u know, he looks like death warmed over and i *still* wanna make out with him. how is this even possible??? is the lure of the stubble that strong??

Dawn: good lord u 2 are weird 

* * *

Marianne: so while the stubble is the upside to bog being sick, u know the worst part? 

Marianne: that. fucking. cough.

Dawn: awwww, poor guy! sunny doesn’t have a cough though, he just has the sniffles 

Marianne: its cold cough and smokers cough combined. it’s super cough. he sounds like he’s hacking up a lung

Dawn: Uuuuugh

Marianne: ikr? i’m like, this is what u get for being a human ashtray. 

Dawn: out of curiosity, has he ever tried to stop??? smoking, that is?

Marianne: i feel like if i ever asked him to, he would try. but tbh, i don’t mind. i kind of like the smell =) it’s just that now i can’t get any sleep because of that fucking cough. 

Dawn: like u get any sleep with him to begin with =) 

Marianne: DAWN OMG

Dawn: hahaha, just saying! =D

Marianne: that was payback, wasn’t it?!

Marianne: ur lack of response only confirms it, little sis  
  


* * *

Marianne: how’s the sickly one? anymore fainting spells?

Bog: ha ha, u r a riot. heading back from the bar right now, actually. do u need me to pick up anything at the store?

Marianne: coffee creamer, orange juice and tampons. 

Bog: got it. need anything extra for cramps?

Marianne: nah i’m good but thanks for asking. can’t wait to see u =)  

* * *

Marianne:  u know how roland always freaked out whenever i would ask him to pick up stuff for me when it was shark week? that should have been my first sign. 

Dawn: shark week???

Marianne: my period 

Dawn: god of course u would call it that

Marianne: whereas bog could give zero fucks about it =)

Dawn: probably is used to picking up stuff for his mom

Marianne: very very true. but i’m still gonna gloat over my man. 

Dawn: how is it that bog could give zero fucks about picking up stuff for ur period but still blush like crazy when he has to walk through a store’s bra department???

Marianne: we’ve already established this - bog is a fucking nerd. 

Dawn: ah but he is ur nerd. 

Marianne: damn straight he is. 

* * *

Dawn: tho i want him to get better asap, having sunny sick does make it easier for me to do some b-day planning for him. 

Marianne: dawn u have 3 whole months to do that.

Dawn: sunny snoops! and he ruins surprises that i work so hard on! so now i’ve got to do it all in advance. 

Dawn: but on that note, a certain beanpole/bar owner rockstar/nerd puppy sweetheart is gonna be having a b-day next month, right? have u decided what u r gonna get him? he can’t be too tough to shop for

Marianne: excuse u, he is very tough to shop for. i can’t find any albums he doesn’t already have and he only sticks to that one leather jacket so there’s no point in getting him a new one

Marianne: tho yeah it doesn’t take much to make him happy. i could literally just do birthday sex and he’d be a puddle of joy. 

Dawn: omg marianne 

Marianne: but i want this one to be special. so, yeah, i have an idea. 

Dawn: why does this one need to be special?

Marianne: he doesn’t like b-days in general but now that we’re together, it reminds him that he’s older than me. so, i wanna make this one nice.

Dawn: oooh, what r u gonna do?

Marianne: promise me right now that u won’t tell dad. 

Dawn: OMG MARIANNE ITS NOT ILLEGAL IS IT? 

Marianne: NO

Marianne: i just want to keep it on the down low!!!

Dawn: so tell me!!!

Marianne: i’m gonna get a tattoo

Dawn: WHAT

Marianne: more specifically i’m gonna let bog give me a tattoo

Dawn: how is that

Dawn: ooooohhh wait right i forget that he does tattoos, doesn’t he? he does so many different things its hard to keep track sometimes. 

Dawn: so ur gonna have him tattoo u for his b-day? does he get to choose what it is?

Marianne: no, i already know what i want. 

Dawn: wow. WOW. a tattoo! that’s…that’s pretty big!

Marianne: u know i’ve always wanted one. and yeah, its big, but…thats why i want him to give it to me. to show him that i trust him that much. 

Dawn: awwww. when u put it like that… =) only u two could make getting a tattoo the perfect declaration of love. 

Dawn: so…what r u gonna get???

Marianne: a butterfly =) 

Dawn: OMG THAT IS SO PERFECT

Marianne: isn’t it? i thought it would be good since, u know, what with mom’s nicknames for us

Dawn: aaawww, marianne! her butterfly girls! god i’m gonna tear up now!

Dawn: where r u gonna put it?

Marianne: i’m gonna let bog decide that. but…i’m gonna *suggest* my hipbone =) 

Dawn: ooooooh, scandalous!

Marianne: u know it 

Dawn: i think ur gonna have one very happy birthday boy on ur hands

Marianne: thats the idea

Dawn: happy birthday to bog, happy birthday to bog, it’s still a whole month away, but happy birthday to bog! 


	4. Chapter 4

Bog: do u think u can make it tonight?

Marianne: i don’t think so =( dad needs me to meet with some other board members, and u know he wouldn’t let me skip out to go see u

Bog: yeah i know

Bog: just…fuck

Marianne: i’m really sorry =(

Bog: its ok work comes first. just…i’ll see u after, right?

Marianne: totally. dad can’t keep me away from u that long. rock hard tonight!

Bog: will do

Marianne: i love u

Bog: i love u too, tough girl

* * *

Marianne: ugh, bog is so bummed now =(

Dawn: is there anyway that u could convince dad to skip the meeting? or let u leave early?

Marianne: u know he wouldn’t let me. he’s still mad about the tattoo

Dawn: ugh he’s our father u would think that would him make act like an ADULT

Marianne: i’m pissed as hell too. 25 years old and you think would i can make my own fucking decisions when it comes to my body and my man but nooooooooo

Dawn: i hope the meeting doesn’t last 2 long. how long is bog supposed to be performing for?

Marianne: the whole evening. pros of performing at ur own bar, u don’t have to haggle with the owner. 

Marianne: fuck this i’m gonna find a way to get there

Marianne: r u going?

Dawn: u know that bog’s bar isn’t really my scene

Marianne: dawn please i’m begging u if neither one of us shows up bog is gonna be super fucking depressed the rest of the week

Dawn: u didn’t let me finish missy! bog’s bar isn’t really my scene but i love him and in this time of need i will support him

Dawn: and u

Marianne: THANK YOU <3 i’m gonna make it there, istg

* * *

Dawn: BOGGY! THIS PLACE IS SUPER SUPER CROWDED! LOTS OF FANS =D =D =D

Bog: good. we spent enough money on advertising, it better have paid off

Dawn: r u okay?

Dawn: i know ur trying to be all stoic and stuff but its ok to be bummed that she’s missing this

Bog: dawn i’m fine. marianne had to work, its no big deal

Bog: but thanks

Dawn: u need me to do anything to help???

Bog: make sure thang doesn’t fall into another fucking drum set 

Dawn: OMG AGAIN? 

Bog: r u beginning to understand why i always dread phone calls from him?

* * *

Marianne: I’M HERE!

Dawn: OMG WHERE WHERE WHERE HE’S GONNA BE PLAYING SOON COME AND JOIN ME

Marianne: i’m in the back 

Marianne: don’t give me away i’m gonna surprise him 

Dawn: how the heck did u make it away from the meeting?

Marianne: excused myself for a bathroom break and then shimmied out the window like cat woman

Marianne: all while wearing heels cause i’m a BOSS ASS BITCH

Dawn: ur so goofy when ur happy =D

Dawn: ugh I’m so HAPPY u made it u were right he was super bummed

Marianne: don’t give me away ok?

Dawn: SUPER SECRET DAWN IS SUPER SECRET

* * *

Dawn: OMG SUNNY I WISH U COULD HAVE BEEN HERE

Dawn: U MISSED THE BEST THING EVER

Sunny: u seem excited. bog rocked it out that hard?

Dawn: OMG NO THIS WAS AFTER THAT

Dawn: i mean yes he rocked very hard he rocked all night long and all that jazz BUT SUNNY AFTER

Dawn: OMG. ok. so, u know how marianne had to work tonight and bog was all moody that she couldn’t be there? 

Sunny: yeah…

Dawn: only she catwoman’d her way out of the meeting and SHE MADE IT TO THE BAR AND WAS HIDING IN THE SHADOWS. ALL SECRETLY. 

Dawn: she wanted to surprise him =) 

Sunny: how the heck did she catwoman her way out of a meeting?

Dawn: sunny focus. so marianne is in the back and watching him play and i’m in the front watching him 2

Dawn: only here’s a thing i discovered last night

Dawn: turns out the band has some groupies

Sunny: WHAT? REALLY???

Dawn: ikr? yeah, so anyway there was this one chick there who kept looking over at me and making all these loud comments about “rich preppy girls trying to slum it” 

Sunny: ‘scuse the ‘tude lady

Dawn: i know, super super rude but i was all “let it go let it go i am one with the wind and skyyyyy” 

Sunny: u and frozen, dawn, istg

Dawn: BUT THE POINT IS

Dawn: she would NOT stop hitting on bog. like, seriously hardcore hitting on him

Dawn: like, eyeing him all obviously during each song

Sunny: oh jesus. 

Dawn:  u know, for a guy who has the biggest insecurity issues ever, bog’s got a bunch of fangirls apparently. the thirst was strong that night and boggy was the tall drink of water

Sunny: dawn focus up and tell me what happened next

Dawn: tbh the rude chick seemed to super super dig that he was all “badass” and pure “trouble” 

Sunny: if only they knew

Dawn: ikr? this is the same man who ran into the kitchen door last thursday because marianne was wearing shorts 

Dawn: everyone thinks he’s such a grim n cynical badass but he is a puppy nerd sweetie and i love it =)

Sunny: bog is not a puppy, dawn

Dawn: around marianne he is

Sunny: ok true 

Sunny: so wait back to the story what happened with bog’s groupie?

Dawn: SO OK THE BAND IS HAVING THEIR BREAK AND BOG COMES OVER AND GETS A DRINK FROM THE BAR AND SHE IS IN FULL ON HUNTING MODE

Dawn: like it was fucking ridiculous sunny hair tossing and all that jazz

Sunny: and what did bog do?

Dawn: u know bog he’s totally fucking clueless he didn’t even notice

Dawn: she’s trying to talk to him and keeps making all these comments about how *sexy* accents r and he just kept drinking like “yeah whatever”

Sunny: jeez

Dawn: BUT THEN MARIANNE WALTZES UP

Dawn: STILL IN HER FANCY BUSINESS CLOTHES, LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL “RICH GIRL”

Dawn: AND RUDE LADY LOOKS LIKE SHE’S ABOUT TO MAKE ANOTHER COMMENT WHEN BOG LOOKS OVER AND SEES MARIANNE AND HIS FACE SUNNY OMG HIS FACE LIGHTS UP LIKE 4TH OF JULY 

Dawn: AND HE GOES “OMG U CAME?!”  

Dawn: and marianne plants a big old smooch on him and he basically curled himself around her and it was very very very sweet <3

Sunny: the most anti-sappy love people ever and they’re the embodiment of it =) 

Dawn: oh i know i know

Dawn: BUT THE RUDE LADY’S FACE. 

Dawn: IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL SUNNY. 

Dawn: BUG. EYED. 

Sunny: ahahahaha!!!

Dawn: BUT THEN 

Dawn: MARIANNE LOOKS OVER BOG’S SHOULDER AT HER AND *SMIRKS* THE MOST EVIL LITTLE SATISFIED SMIRK EVER

Dawn: Like “hi there can i help u?” 

Dawn: AND RUDE CHICK TURNS BRIGHT RED AND HUFFY AND STOMPS AWAY FROM THE BAR ALL PISSY

Dawn: it was the BEST. I love seeing marianne go all protective 

Sunny: just not on u

Dawn: well obviously. but it was all “yeah lady, make all the little rich girl comments u want”

Dawn: IT WAS GLORIOUS

Dawn: and boggy was so on fire for the rest of the show, grinning and singing practically to marianne =) 

Sunny: i bet she’s gonna get some brownie points for that =)

Dawn: wellllllll when the bar was closing and i was heading out to my car i may have see them in bog’s car

Dawn: and it looked like marianne was…u know

Sunny: collecting the brownie points?

Dawn: SUNNY!!!!

* * *

Marianne: so i think my bra is still somewhere in ur car 

Marianne: either that or the parking lot

Marianne: either way that sucker is gone

Bog: well my back now has a bruise thanks to u

Marianne: may i remind u what else i did 2 ur back? 

Bog: u can feel free to do that anytime

Bog: seriously anytime time i will not put up a fight 

Marianne: aw honey 

Marianne: u never do =)  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wee little moment of glory - when I first posted these drabbles oh so long ago, Meredith Anne Bull, the lovely lady who voices Dawn, saw this post on Tumblr and ended up liking it =D
> 
> I HAD THE BIGGEST GRIN ON MY FACE THE WHOLE DAY, I SWEAR TO GOD.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunny: dude. monty python marathon on right now, n i got a free case of hard cider from work. u free?

Bog: tempted but can’t. mum needs yard work done, and marianne and i promised to help. probably will be all day.

Sunny: damn, ur the only one in this group who appreciates monty python. dawn just doesn’t see the glory

Sunny: and by helping u mean ordering stuff n thang around right?

Bog: nah just me and marianne

Bog: i’m going to have make sure she doesn’t find the axe 

Sunny: oh god marianne with an axe has got to be one of the most legit terrifying things i’ve ever pictured

Bog: exactly. wood chopping duties will be mine

Sunny: is it bad that i can totally see her going all The Shining when it comes to roland???

Bog: holy fucking hell

Sunny: “heeeeerrrrrre’s MARIANNE!” 

* * *

Bog: need me to pick u up? 

Marianne: yeah, i’m ready to go anytime. just hanging out with dawn watching the thick of it.

Bog: seriously? didn’t think dawn would be into that kind of show

Marianne: she wanted to know why u and i keep saying “fuckity-bye” 2 each other  

Marianne: oh and btw, malcolm reminds her of u =) 

Bog: JESUS CHRIST FIRST U NOW HER

Bog: WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I LOOK LIKE HIM???

Marianne: it’s because ur scottish and snarly and terrifying XD

Marianne: and for the record, i’ve always had a bit of a thing for peter capaldi

Bog: oh. well, in that case…

Marianne: u r such a nerd  

* * *

Dawn: hey! how is gardening going? 

Marianne: good but exhausting. 

Marianne: u would think by now bog would know i’m 2 clumsy for this work

Dawn: what happened?

Marianne: tripped over a wheelbarrow 

Dawn: OMG! U ok???

Marianne: i’m fine. i still blame bog. 

Dawn: what 4 ur clumsiness? 

Marianne: nooo for getting so hot and sweaty that he decides to take his shirt off

Marianne: and i turn around and get an eyeful and am just about to really appreciate the scenery when BOOM

Marianne: there goes marianne! 

Dawn: omg marianne

Marianne: so, all his fault. him and that body of his

Dawn: he’s so freaking skinny tho!

Marianne: 'scuse u have u not *seen* his shoulders???

Marianne: and he's not skinny, he’s *lean*. lean and tattooed and scarred and mine mine mine

Dawn: oh man. that garden work is making u all kinds of randy, isn’t it? 

Marianne: idk if its because it’s spring or whatever but yeah 

Marianne: besides u know i don’t usually gush about how freaking sexy he is

Dawn: but when u do WATCH OUT

Dawn: at least ur not being super tmi about it

Dawn: what is it with u 2 and getting off on physical stuff? first it was hand to hand combat training and now THIS

Marianne: idk it just works for us

Marianne: but yeah i’m feeling that a little break is in order

Marianne: during which he will probably lose more than just his shirt if i get my way

Dawn: griselda’s gonna end up with a clean yard AND grandkids at this point!!! =D

Marianne: OMG

Marianne: OMG THAT WAS PROBABLY HER PLAN ALL ALONG

Marianne: SHIT THAT WOMAN IS DEVIOUS

* * *

Marianne: OMG DAWN DAWN DAWN

Dawn: WHAT WHAT WHAT???

Marianne: u know how bog and i r staying over for dinner at griselda’s? bog had to run over to the bar

Marianne: and when he did GRISELDA PUT ON HOME VIDEOS!!!

Dawn: OMG!!!

Marianne: jesus christ seeing bog as a kid is *WEIRD*

Marianne: its when they were still living over in scotland so he’s pretty young

Dawn: OMG i bet he’s the *cutest* little thing =D =D =D

Marianne: he’s soo skinny, all elbows and knees. a little scottish string bean =)

Dawn: omg i wish i could see it! little kids with accents r the freaking cutest!

Marianne: his scowl is exactly the same its hilarious. for a 7 year old his death glare is already fierce 

Dawn: OH GOD I WISH I COULD SEE

Marianne: but then bog got back and OMG when he saw what we were watching he let out this absolute HOWL of horror

Marianne: “MOTHER WHAT R U DOIN’?! MARIANNE DON’T WATCH THIS!”

Dawn: OMG BOG 

Marianne: so now i’m gonna have to dig out our home videos to make things even cause now he’s all snarly about it

Marianne: of course, the downside to this is that griselda won’t stop making “doesn’t this just make ya wanna have kids some day?” comments

Dawn: oh boy

Marianne: like c’mon

Marianne: one visit to her that doesn’t involve any baby or wedding talk

Marianne: thats all i ask

Dawn: wellll…

Marianne: what?

Dawn: u guys have been together for a while now

Marianne: omg dawn don’t u start now 2

Dawn:  i’m just saying…have u thought about it?

Dawn: a wedding that is?

Marianne: dawn 

Marianne: i already have griselda for this 

Dawn: marianne i swear i’m not trying 2 annoy u i just want to know

Dawn: u know that no matter what i’m gonna support u

Marianne: dawn

Marianne: its 

Marianne: ok so while i shouldn’t be texting this 2 u and will probably end up deleting this convo when we r done

Marianne: right now…what bog and i have is good

Marianne: i mean, i know that he’s it for me

Dawn: awwwwwww!!! =) =) =)

Marianne: but…i don’t *need* anything more, and neither does bog. at least not right now. i mean, this is still a huge step for us. just knowing that we’ve got each other is enough. i don’t need anything super fancy. 

Dawn: but i thought u always wanted a big fancy fairytale wedding

Marianne: no that’s what i *thought* i wanted

Marianne: i also thought that i wanted roland

Dawn: point taken

Marianne: but now i’ve found bog. and i just…i just want to enjoy that, u know? not get worried or stressed about the future

Marianne: whatever happens

Dawn: that’s all i need to hear. just as long as u r happy =)

Marianne: no need to worry about that =) 

* * *

Marianne: dawn please don’t be too angry at me

Dawn: what? why?

Marianne: remember how i said i was gonna show bog some of our home videos to make up for seeing his? well, i thought i grabbed some very innocent ones with nothing 2 bad on them

Marianne: but…

Dawn: WHAT?

Marianne: …i grabbed the tape with the Sock Thing on it

Dawn: OMG MARIANNE NO U DIDN’T

Dawn: OMG HOW COULD U I CAN’T BELIEVE 

Dawn: MARIANNE HOW COULD U LET BOG SEE THAT

Marianne: i’m so so so sorry, i s2g i didn’t mean 2! i know u don’t like people seeing that!

Dawn: NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT I WAS AFRAID OF SOCKS AS A BABY!

Dawn: ESPECIALLY NOT BOG!!!!

Marianne: if it makes u feel any better bog used to be afraid of cats when he was young

Marianne: and i was sooooo close to making the most tasteless joke ever over how *that’s* obviously changed when he told me that but i didn’t 

Dawn: STILL NOT HAPPY WITH U

Dawn: HE’S GONNA TEASE ME SO MUCH ABOUT THIS U KNOW HE WILL EVERYONE DOES EVEN SUNNY

Marianne: dawn no he won’t i won’t let him

Dawn: DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT WHY WAS I SUCH A WEIRD LITTLE BABY?! 

* * *

Marianne: hey

Bog: hey

Marianne: u busy right now? 

Bog: just cooking dinner. u gonna be home soon? 

Marianne: depends…

Marianne: so u remember the yard work we did? 

Bog: yeah of course i’m still sore 

Bog: why?

Marianne: let me ask u a question - remember how u took off ur shirt? do u know what i wanted to do then?

Bog: probably not trip over a wheelbarrow 

Marianne: bog

Bog: what?

Marianne: do u know what i wanted to do then?

Bog: sure whatever

Marianne: i wanted to make sure that there was no chance of us getting interrupted 

Bog: um

Marianne: i wanted to walk over to u and let my fingers trail down ur neck and shoulders and just *feel* u

Marianne: i wanted to kiss u and taste u

Marianne: and then i wanted to

Marianne: am i boring u? do u still wanna know what i wanted to do?

Bog: YES

Bog: i mean yes

Bog: please don’t stop

Marianne: well…

Marianne: then i wanted to kiss along ur jaw and ur throat

Marianne: bite at ur pulse 

Marianne: take advantage of that shirtlessness and kiss and lick my way down ur chest and torso 

Marianne: chase that sweat with my tongue 

Marianne: run my fingers down ur spine 

Marianne: maybe unzip ur pants

Marianne: with my teeth

Marianne: do u know what i wanna do *now*? ;)  

Bog: come home

Bog: NOW

Bog: thats not a question tough girl thats a fucking order 

* * *

Marianne: so upside of last night - FINALLY had kitchen table sex which i know bog has wanted for the longest time but was 2 shy 2 ask for

Marianne: and it was AMAZING

Marianne: but downside is that he forgot to turn off the fucking burner and now we have this charred mess of soup at the bottom of a pot and the whole place reeks 

Dawn: OMG U 2

Marianne: sorry not sorry if this is tmi

Dawn: u know on one hand it totally is 

Dawn: but on the other hand who else r u gonna brag about kitchen table nookie to?

* * *

Dawn: boggy! i’m running errands and i’m gonna be near the bar - do u need me to pick up anything for u? 

Bog: nah, i’m not even there. gave myself a day off. thanks for asking tho. 

Dawn: oh if ur home can i drop by and pick up the thick of it dvd? marianne said i could borrow it.

Bog: yeah of course

Bog: but u should know that we did laundry recently 

Dawn: okaaaayyy

Dawn: why is that important???

Bog: no need to worry i’ll hide the socks

Dawn: OMG OMG BOG U R HORRIBLE U R THE WORST U AND MARIANNE DESERVE EACH OTHER OMG UR AWFUL OMG I WAS JUST A KID   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit, sometimes I wonder if I started this whole AU just to have Marianne sexting Bog =)


End file.
